a story about a speedo...

The pictures will assuredly be seen in following posts, but I wasn't about to pose just for the sake of a laugh this time.

Here's the story:

Lacy and I have taken to body-boarding with our friends Nick and Karen. We started this last summer and at first warmth, we hit the waves again this summer. The following is a series of problems and solutions that will tell the real story...

Problem 1: When body-boarding in San Diego, rarely is the water warm enough to tackle without a wet-suit.
Solution 1: Wear a wet-suit.

Problem 2: Wearing a wet-suit requires a strategic on-the-beach change of clothing (a COMPLETE change of clothing)
Solution 2: a BIG towel.

Problem 3: Sometimes the wind catches your towel and Karen and HER MOM see more of you than they should.
Solution 3: A form-fitting Speedo to wear under your boardshorts so when you change, you don't have to sans EVERYTHING, leaving your fate to a towel and the wind.

Problem 4: Purchasing the Speedo without feeling like a guy who wears a Speedo.
Solution 4: Act cool, remain calm, don't spend too much time browsing in THAT department. Most importantly, DO NOT make eye contact or small talk with the cashier, male or female.

Problem 5: In the world of Speedo, a size 34 fits like a size 24, forcing a return trip to the Speedo place and an exchange. Now I not only have to deal with the cashier once, but twice. Once for the initial exchange convo, then again for the transaction.
Solution 5: Same as Solution #4

Problem 6: A multi-person small talk conversation begins at the register:
Cashier Chick: "So... do you swim on a team or for recreation"
Me: totally not into talking about it, "Oh, it's just for under my wet-suit"
Cashier Chick: "That's a good idea"
Me: "Yeah, it works"
LADY IN LINE BEHIND ME: "my son used to wear those under his board shorts just in case they came off"
Me: "huh" (I can't believe this is now a three person convo)
Cashier chick: "So where do you surf?"
Me: "Oh, I just body-board"
WHAT I SOUNDED LIKE: "Oh, I'm just a Speedo-wearing guy who's not cool enough to be a REAL surfer, so I just grab my boogie board and hit the shallow waves with all the tourist, as long as it doesn't get too rough."

Solution 6: NONE.