Tuesday, June 20, 2006

a story about a speedo...

The pictures will assuredly be seen in following posts, but I wasn't about to pose just for the sake of a laugh this time.

Here's the story:

Lacy and I have taken to body-boarding with our friends Nick and Karen. We started this last summer and at first warmth, we hit the waves again this summer. The following is a series of problems and solutions that will tell the real story...

Problem 1: When body-boarding in San Diego, rarely is the water warm enough to tackle without a wet-suit.
Solution 1: Wear a wet-suit.

Problem 2: Wearing a wet-suit requires a strategic on-the-beach change of clothing (a COMPLETE change of clothing)
Solution 2: a BIG towel.

Problem 3: Sometimes the wind catches your towel and Karen and HER MOM see more of you than they should.
Solution 3: A form-fitting Speedo to wear under your boardshorts so when you change, you don't have to sans EVERYTHING, leaving your fate to a towel and the wind.

Problem 4: Purchasing the Speedo without feeling like a guy who wears a Speedo.
Solution 4: Act cool, remain calm, don't spend too much time browsing in THAT department. Most importantly, DO NOT make eye contact or small talk with the cashier, male or female.

Problem 5: In the world of Speedo, a size 34 fits like a size 24, forcing a return trip to the Speedo place and an exchange. Now I not only have to deal with the cashier once, but twice. Once for the initial exchange convo, then again for the transaction.
Solution 5: Same as Solution #4

Problem 6: A multi-person small talk conversation begins at the register:
Cashier Chick: "So... do you swim on a team or for recreation"
Me: totally not into talking about it, "Oh, it's just for under my wet-suit"
Cashier Chick: "That's a good idea"
Me: "Yeah, it works"
LADY IN LINE BEHIND ME: "my son used to wear those under his board shorts just in case they came off"
Me: "huh" (I can't believe this is now a three person convo)
Cashier chick: "So where do you surf?"
Me: "Oh, I just body-board"
WHAT I SOUNDED LIKE: "Oh, I'm just a Speedo-wearing guy who's not cool enough to be a REAL surfer, so I just grab my boogie board and hit the shallow waves with all the tourist, as long as it doesn't get too rough."

Solution 6: NONE.

8 comments:

Hummel Family said...

I definitly got my laugh for the day!

the lambs said...

lol

Jodi said...

oh my gosh, I had no idea the Speedo story was going to be about YOU! Now that's some funny stuff.

Jason Grate- Ordinary Extraordinary- Simple Stories of Lessons learned said...

jodi, my thoughts exactly! What a scream.

Nate said...

josh,

What is up man - hope life is going well for you. Just dropping in bro.

Nate

tonymyles said...

Better to be embarrased in the store than on the beach, eh?

pk said...

Hilarious!

Keetha Broyles said...

Funny story - - - I can just picture you standing at the register trying to NOT have that conversation.

BTW - - - you may totally not remember me, I knew you when you traveled to Fairmount Teen Camp with IWU.